Saturday, February 18, 2012

The Start Of A New Time....

All of this is new to me. 

I'm starting a new chapter in my life and this is the first line of the new chapter.  Kind of a weak way to start, but all of our first steps were a stumble and then we learned balance.  That is what is about to happen to me.  For me, this new start is not this blog.  This is just an excuse for me to put the insane ideas and thoughts that frequent the asylum out into the open.  While in the future you might enjoy them, or hate them, this is the start of something different.  Finally admitting that it is time for a change.

You see, a long time ago I got in trouble.  The trouble I got in was real.  Though no one got hurt, the reality is that one person got hurt, me.  I got my second, yes second, DUI about 9 years ago. I got my first about 2 months after I graduated from college.  I got my second just over a year after that.  I never got into an accident.  Never hit anything.  Never was obscenely drunk.  I was probably the soberest I had ever been behind the wheel after drinks, both times.  I made a huge mistake because I graduated with a degree to teach High School History.  I was great with the kids and I loved being both in their lives but also teaching about something that most people find boring.  The reason that this is a huge deal is that when I got my second "star," I pretty much denied my chances of ever teaching again.  No school will take a person with a DUI on their record.  They would rather hire someone who will have sex with their students over someone with a DUI from 10 years ago.  I used to be very resentful about it, but I've finally learned to move on.  While many schools say "We need teachers badly. People who want to teach," they are really lying because there are people like me that they won't look at.  It's fine.  You don't want someone who cares and knows about the world, it's cool.  Your loss. (Okay so I still tend to be a little bitter).

While this is the life I have gotten into, I will say I never learned.  I continued to drive home when I shouldn't have.  I've woken up in the morning and seen my truck and wondered, "How the fuck did I get home.  I don't remember shit."  This is not a rare comment in my life.  The two soberest times in my life are the two times I've been pulled over.  I should be dead right now, but there is a greater purpose for me.

The greater purpose starts tomorrow.  You see, I'm having a breath-a-lizer put into my truck for some insane, asinine reason that the state of Missouri made up.  I paid my dues and fines and time, and now they want to drop something that didn't exist on me brand new.  Fine.  I get it.  Fuck you.  I have to do this and I'm accepting of it.  It might just well be the thing that saves my life. 

You see, I don't drink at home.  EVER!  Never have. Don't plan on starting now.  I'm not the product of alcoholic parents, just parents that had a couple glasses of wine with dinner.  I drink because I'm socially shy.  It loosens me up and then, well after too much we all now the result.  I drink because I work in the hospitality industry and you ass-holes have no idea of how rude you are.  I drink because I get out of work at 10pm and there is nothing else to do.  I drink because I'm friends with bartenders and I don't pay a lot for drinks.  What you spend in one weekend is about what I spend in a month.  I know, unfair right?

Well, this all changes tomorrow.  With this in my car, my life will change.  The things I'm most passionate about will emerge from the gin, vodka, rum, sambuca enhanced cloud that surrounds me like a cloud of dust around PigPen.  While my friends will say that I'm not bad at the club, I see the truth in myself.  Yes some of the future will still include that lovely friend alcohol, but I'm ready.  Maybe.  Right after last call.

1 comment:

  1. Sorry to hear you have to go through this. Ted had the same consequence to drinking drunk. The fact that he had to breath into it while driving was the most interesting part to about driving while under the influence...of the breathalizer. Anyway, the time will pass and hopefully you will realize you don't want to go through that crap again. Also, what's with the "I don't drink at home" comment? Does that make you an alcoholic, drinking at home? At least, you wouldn't be out driving.