Sunday, February 19, 2012

Rule number one in the land of the Walking Dead...

So tonight is all about my favorite show.  The Walking Dead.  Nothing beats this show.  I never got into Lost, but I would assume that this is my Lost.  Even though Sundays are all about The Simpsons (episode 500 tonight!!! and the Best. Show. Ever.) and Family Guy (when it's Brian and Stewie, it's so great), The Walking Dead has now put itself in rarified air.

I never read the books, but I know that certain things are different.  I'm not going to go into some diatribe about the differences.  I love the show as it is and that is that.

I do have one simple rule for all of you out there....


While this might seem slightly absurd, it makes sense.  You see, you have to run away from zombies, right?  If you have fat friends, well, they'll get caught by the zombies first.  I'm not talking about fast-running, rage-virus beings from 28 Days Later.  I'm talking slow walking, muscle atrophy beings that "want to eat your brains. Hahaha." (Sorry, if I could get Vincent Price to talk here, he would.)  If you are running from zombies, your fat friends don't have the endurance to keep up.  Next, they will get caught and become zombies.  Next thing you know, bam, nothing but fat zombies.  If you can't outrun a fat zombie, you deserve to become one.  This is natural selection at its finest.  The only people who become zombies who aren't fat are idiots.  Zombies can help deplete the world of obesity and moronicy in one act.

This is the only thing you need to remember.  Nothing else matters.  Get a big truck.  Get tons and tons of bottled water.  Pee where you want.  And remember, if you don't have fat friends...You are the fat friend.

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