While away on a trip for my grandmother's funeral, I had the pleasure of riding with my cousin Amy and her two wonderful children. As we were leaving Birmingham, we stopped by a Starbucks to grab some coffee. While I don't drink the stuff, all I could think of was how they have a tip line there. This got me to thinking about how sad our society is today. Everyone thinks that whatever they do, deserves a tip. Well, I have news for you. You don't.
Unless you work in the restaurant business, and I'm talking about the sit down kind where you take my order and then bring me my food while I sit at a table for 2 hours restaurant business, then you don't deserve a tip. I'm sorry, you did nothing.
I don't sign tips on the line unless I've received exceptional service at some random place or happen to be at a place that is open until 2 am, like a bar or club. You see, what you've done is nothing. I will repeat this just in case you didn't understand me. You did nothing. You know what? I don't think you heard me, so I will yell it a little louder for you:
"YOU DID NOTHING!!!"
There, I think you might have heard me now. It's not that I don't appreciate your work, it's just that you actually did nothing. I know that it's really hard to turn around and grab my drink for me. I understand that pressing buttons on a computer is exhausting. Trust me, I'm exhausted right now. I get the fact that you have to deal with sometimes grumpy people, but you don't make less than minimum wage. You don't have to deal with people for hours at a time only to have them complain about the service just to get things discounted. It's a coffee shop not a five star restaurant. It's a buffet not a, well you get the point.
I'm not just talking about little neighborhood shops, but also national chains that think that tipping is a requirement. When I don't sign the extra line, I get a look from people who work there like I'm some sort of asshole. Well, guess what, I am. I'm not degrading the work you do, but the idea that a tip is required from all patrons. Guess what, I got bills too and that stupid extra 2 to 4 dollars adds up over time.
It's a shame that this is the new social responsibility in our society. Many people have been given handouts for so long, they feel that it is a requirement by all people to continue to do the same. It's not. Sorry to break it to you, but it really isn't. We all work jobs in which our services come with a fee. That is how you get paid. When I sign a tip line at a coffee house or a local sandwich shop, who gets the money? Do you divide it up between all your employees? Does the guy who cleans the bathrooms get more, since he had to clean the fucking bathroom while you stood there looking stupid? Does the manager get a cut? Do you have to declare it in your taxes? The simple answer to all of this is "no." Since that is the answer, when I am given that extra line, I write no.
Yes, this makes me an asshole, but get over it. Our society is so sensitive that you can't tell someone no with out feeling bad. Guess what, I'm over that shit. I'm not telling you no because I don't like you. I'm telling you no because you don't deserve it. Do you tip the guy for doing your dry cleaning? Do you tip the lady for making you burger and fries at McDonald's? Do you tip the kid at the movie theater for giving you your popcorn there tubby? No, you give them their money for their service and then go about your business. They don't ask for it because they know they don't deserve it.
So next time you give me a bill with a tip line, don't be mad when I don't sign it.
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