To the few and far between that enjoy some of the random wanderings of my thoughts, I apologize for the delays in writing. The busiest time of the year for me is from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day. Now that these two "wonderful" months have passed, I feel that I can get back to the job I am supposed to be doing. Which is writing randomly about things that I have no idea why I am writing about them.
Lately, I have been reading a wonderful biography on Vincent Van Gogh. As a kid, I found that I always loved his works. I don't know why, I just know that I have always loved it. I find in retrospect that it might be because he fought with so much within, and was defiant to all. In the readings, I have learned even more about him and I love him more for all he was. One of the things that sticks out the most to me is the fact that he wrote to everyone, constantly. There was no waiting for a reply before he wrote them again. And again. And again. He was overly knowledgeable about all the things in his work, but stuck to his guns in regards to what he felt was important in his works. Constantly the biography provides quotes from his musings, mostly to his brother, and many I have found strike a cord with me and for others I love and know. One is about hope, religion, and the stars. He said, "Hope is in the stars, but let's not forget that this earth is a planet too, and consequently a star." I detest people who say "aim for the moon, but if you miss you'll be among the stars." It makes me think about scientist and why they annoy me. Mostly because they like to take the enjoyment out of the fantasy of the unknown. They find the fun in the learning and research, but don't allow for the brief moments of escape that let you wonder what is out there. The overly analyticalness is annoying and I know that I do it at times. The thing that Van Gogh said though speaks bigger, though. We have the desire in us for a better life somewhere out there, in the stars. We forget though, that we don't need to look for hope far away in the stars because we reside on one. The hope that we yearn for is right here, right now. The quote that I found that registers the most with me is the one that makes me think about myself the most. About where I am going and what I am doing. Not about a midlife crisis, but more a purpose crisis. Why am I doing what I'm doing? How can I do something else if I know not the courage to believe in myself more?
I love music. I love everything there is about it. I love the emotions it provides. The memories it recalls. The sorrow and joy. The escapement from life. All of it and more. Music has been with us from the moment we are born. Our mothers and fathers hum and sing to us in our infancy. They soothe us with songs. We spy secretly upon them when they unwind when we are supposed to be asleep. You can't dance without the beat. You can't love without the rhyming. Poetry is just a song without a beat. And, oh how it all sounds better with the beat! While dealing with his traumatic mind and delusions, he would read Tolstoy and listen to Wagner. He mused, "In the end, we will all want to live more musically." Truly, I am drawn to the truth of that comment. I find myself deep in the hole that I feel it represents.
How do I live more musically, though? I can't play an instrument. I can't draw. I can't act. Nor sing. I do not muse over the inability. My brother was blessed with the artist eye. My cousin with the writer's hand. I got the listener's ear. I know good when I hear it and I know unfucking believable when I hear it. I can be stopped in my tracks upon hearing a song. I might be a hipster, but I am not an asshole about it. I want YOU to love music the way I love music. I want others to learn and love all that it is. So how am I to live more musically? I am to do so by doing the things that I've said I would do a long time ago. By finally starting a blog review of my itunes collection. I have been blessed through friends to have a broad range of music on my computer. I lucky to be able to have all I have. I have been incomplete in many things of late and dedication to self is one of them. To live more musically for me would be to find the rhythm in my life and live by it. That's what music does. It is not just a background song. It is the beauty of a flower blooming. It is the wonder of a pristine, clear, still lake in the late winter. Music is the revolution and the love of mankind. Music is the redemption of our souls and joys of our future.
So what am I doing for my revolution, love, redemption, and joy? I have started by going to Bonnaroo this year. My friends Angela and Lynn have been many times and I look forward to a reunion with them, while attending for the first time. One of the amazing things about this year's Bonnaroo is I get to see Bjork live. Throw in Beach House, Wu-Tang, Grizzly Bear, Govt Mule, The Lumineers, Wild Nothing, Nas, and more, oh my god I can't wait. I did learn about a new singer and he is unbelievable. I'm listening to him now as I write. His name is Father John Misty. Just go here and get lost in it all. Trust me, you will get lost in it all. He is the beauty of a tulip blooming in the spring above the dying frost of winter.
In reading about Van Gogh, I learned that in his letters he would always include drawings right in the middle of a passage. Oh, to have the skills to do those things. My brain constantly finds it way to being able to mentally create the image I desire, but I know not how to deliver it to the paper. I find that what I do best is to let it all flow from me more like a pitcher full of letters being poured onto the paper. My musical life is not about what I want to be doing, but rather a focus on the actually doing. In writing about the music, I hope to refine my ability to write as well. For I am slightly off center at times and I desire to be able to put my madness to paper. For now though, I will focus on the music. With it will come the focus on other things that will allow me to have the life I enjoy living.
I look forward to showing you an amazing world. For we go into the distance together, but not hand in hand. Your journey is your pace, but I will show you the landmarks I know. I await the chance to learn of the ones you know as well.